I have lost cat Chicago. I rescued a cat off the street 4 years ago who was dumped. He was a senior already and approximately 14 at that time. I brought him and have kept him indoors since then. His name was Candy.
I have other cats and have had cats my whole life. I have never had the bond I had with Candy. He was so mellow, sweet, and well-mannered. He slept with me every single night since I got him.
A few days ago he started sneezing/ coughing blood. A little at first. Last night he was covered in it, his front paws and my bed. I monitored him throughout the night and barely slept and he slept.
Lost Cat Chicago Candy
This morning he got up and the same thing happened. It wasn’t a light amount of blood either it was a lot. And very thick. He was just lying there and not like himself.
I grabbed him crying and drove with him on my lap to the emergency vet. They said they could run tests to see the culprit but that it’s not a guarantee to save him since he’s 18 plus. Would’ve cost 2-3k to do full diagnostics.
I opted to euthanize him as I can tell He wasn’t himself and wasn’t feeling well. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I haven’t stopped crying all day.
Tonight’s the first night without him in my bed with me. I can’t get over the guilt I feel for putting him down even though he was likely feeling bad.
Every night when we go to bed I sing “You are my sunshine” to him. I held him and sang it in his ear telling him how much of a good boy he was and that I’m so sorry I had to do this and that I hope he forgives me and knows how much I loved him.
So, seeing him lay there lifeless was horrible I’m truly not coping well.
I’m a very big animal person and I do have other cats but I’ve never had this emotional closeness to any of my cats on this level as I have with Sandy. He was my other half and kindred spirit.
I can’t phantom this pain. Seeing him lifeless is haunting me.
I paid to get him cremated so I can have his ashes returned to me in a few days and thinking of him laying in some cold drawer or room right now alone is killing me inside.
I don’t have family really or friends. I’m 30 and a single mom to my teenage son.
Candy was my friend, my baby, & my sweetheart.
I’m truly lost. He wasn’t just a cat he was my best friend and now I feel like a horrible person and I can’t cope with this dreadful guilt and sadness. Please if you have any advice to help me get through this I’m falling apart.
This is my worst nightmare. I knew this day would come due to his age I just never expected it to come so abruptly. I’m truly heartbroken and can’t eat or sleep.
